Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
