Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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