I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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