got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
