I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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