Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
