it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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