Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I love you. Go after that dick
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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