i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
