You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
