I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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