i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am available for nakedness
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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