Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
bring money and cleavage
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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