okay pat passed out under dana's car
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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