dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My breasts were aching with rage.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
