Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
