i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
