Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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