it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
