We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
