the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"