Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...

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(858): View more from California

You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

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(702): View more from Nevada

The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before

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(435): View more from Utah

Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(773): View more from Illinois

Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.

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(847): View more from Illinois

The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious

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(630): View more from Illinois

I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with

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(661): View more from California

‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.

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