i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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