I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
