No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
