Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
