I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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