"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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