I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
