Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize