I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
