whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
