Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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