i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
