brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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