Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
