i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i believe in u and ur pee
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
