As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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