i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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