Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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