We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
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