Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
