yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
