your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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