I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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