I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
