Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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