Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
