I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
