The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
