wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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