Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
