Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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