I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
