Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
