Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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