I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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