My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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