Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
