There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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