I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
