Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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