remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
