He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
