so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
