I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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