remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
