I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
