I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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