A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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