He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
