Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
