A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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