I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
