she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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